Muslims (& FBI) need not apply!

Today, I came across a website for an Idaho Militia. I guess everything is changing, including militias.

Idaho Citizens' Constitutional Militia is not like the other chaotic and "sloppy" militias. This one is a very "professional" one.

It clearly states:

Understand that this militia will be as professional, well trained, disciplined, physically fit, and proficient as any U.S. military unit...

There are many militias across America that are undisciplined, have sloppy attire, and contribute to a continuing negative image of the militia in the minds of many Americans. This will not be one of them. I seek to recruit only those who are seriously minded about forging a formidable civil defense force and will accept nothing less than the same excellence required of our members of the armed forces.

Good to know that this militia cares about discipline.

Not only that, in the eligibility section, it makes it clear that it is an open-minded and progressive militia. I guess, gone are those days when people associated militias with racism, anti-Semitism, bigotry, and paranoia. The Idaho Citizens' Constitutional Militia almost convinced me that today's militias are more like an upgraded boy scout club. Read for yourself:

Welcome. 1. All ages. Physical requirements will be age adjusted. It's my philosophy that children should be introduced into the Militia as soon as possible. All members under 18 must have written permission from a parent or guardian. All members under 16 must be accompanied by that parent or guardian at all times. Minors will not be considered for rank.

What an amazing sense of responsibility. This is every parents' dream; a place where our kids can learn about honor and discipline.

2. Male and Female. I strongly encourage women to participate...Women serve in other state militias and do so with honor, dignity, and competence. I expect my male and female soldiers to conduct themselves professionally.

Yes, honor and dignity. Where else can one go and be reminded about such important values? And who is better than the militias to set the example for us?

3. All races. Your commander is Hawaiian, and you will be serving with blacks, hispanics, asians, whites, and all other races and backgrounds.

And all those years, people falsely accused so many militias of being racist. I am telling you, people are just so unfair sometimes.

I will not tolerate the infiltration of hateful ideologies. I understand that many from Christian Identity and Aryan nations will seek to join because of shared values when it comes to individual liberty.

You heard it from the militia. There is zero-tolerance for hate. This is a progressive, enlightened, and self-respectful association.

If you are mature and can show restraint in dealing with Jews and other ethnicities, you are welcome and encouraged to join.

What? Restraint? Restraint from doing what exactly? What kind of people are you anticipating joining the militia? This must have been a typo from the old and unrevised eligibility rules. Look at the positive side, at least now they are calling for restraint toward "Jews and other ethnicities." So racism is all behind us now. Right? Wait, it says:

Muslims, atheists, Wiccans etc need not apply. The Militia has always maintained a common faith in God (not allah or anyone else).

Oh no. My community can not join! (Someone needs to explain to them that Allah is God's name in Arabic, as used by Arab Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike. I guess intelligence must not be a requirement for eligibility)
There must be some misunderstanding here. Let me check under the "Not Welcome" section in the eligibility page.

NOT WELCOME:

1. Federal agents or persons with ties to federal agencies. This includes U.S. Marshalls, FBI, BATFE, CIA, NSA, or any SWAT members affilitated (sic) with federal agencies. This is a state militia defending the interests of Idaho and you are not welcome here.

Not to worry, several of those agencies are too busy to have time to join the militias anyway. If everyone joins the militias, then who would be torturing detainees, assassinating foreign leaders, overthrowing unfriendly governments, engaging in religious profiling, harassing American Muslims, spying on young Muslim males at gyms, or monitoring American mosques?

2. Current U.S. military members. (To clarify) *Any current active service, reserve, or guard members will be (like everyone else) required to swear an oath of allegience (sic) to the state of Idaho and its people above all other allegiences. Unless you are ready to side with the citizens of Idaho should a conflict arise between us and the federal government, you should not apply. If your first allegience is to Idaho, then you are welcome to join.

Conflict with the federal government? What conflict? Wouldn't that be terrorism?

3. Members or affiliates of the United Nations. This Militia is actively opposed to the presence and influence of the United Nations in the United States and will resist UN attempts to compromise US sovereinty using all measures up to and including force of arms. If you have ties to the UN, you are not welcome here.

OK, now they are starting to sound really paranoid.

4. Felons and all others lawfully prohibited from possessing a firearm. This applies unless by court order, the prohibition of firearms possession has been rescinded.

Like any group, this one has moral standards that it abides by. It is important to protect the militia from those who bring a bad reputation to the group. After all, an upstanding moral reputation is obviously very important to the militia membership. The funny thing is that the militia has a stricter recruiting requirement than the FBI. While the militias do not welcome felons, the FBI has frequently hired the services of convicted felons, such as Craig Monteilh.

5. Muslims. It is the opinion of the Militia that there is a world wide effort on the part of Islam to populate Western nations and, when numbers are sufficient enough, declare Sh'ria law. Islam is not a religion that accomodates (sic) other faiths or shares western values concerning freedom of religion. For that reason, we must reciprocate by declining your membership.

Now I am really hurt and offended. Ok, Ok, not that I really had any interest in joining a militia, but I don't like to be blatantly excluded. So now we officially are the only religion or population segment to be openly discriminated against. And by whom? The militia? That really hurts. And based on what? On some idiotic Islamophobic ignorant belief that Muslims are planning to take over the "Western nations". Yeah, if we are so organized, then how come we can not even agree on when to start and end the fasting month of Ramadan? But wait, there is hope. The rule adds:

If you are a Muslim but feel strongly that my reasons don't describe your temperment (sic), then email me and I'll consider your case.

I knew there are exceptions.
Let me see, they need a Muslim who, like them, holds radical views, hates the the U.N. and U.S. government, loves wearing military uniforms, enjoys carrying and using weapons, thrives on worldwide conspiracy theories and paranoia, trains to hide in mountains and caves, ... That sure is a tough one, but it is not a hopeless case. I can think of a few candidates.

I would pay money to be able to watch the reaction on the faces of the militiamen as their new Muslim member introduces himself to them: "Hello, my name is Osama Bin Laden and with me are my Al-Qaeda brothers".